B’nei Mitzvah Information


All of us at Beth Haverim Shir Shalom feel that caring for our students and their families as we facilitate their journey toward celebrating b’nei mitzvah is our sacred obligation. Our rabbi,  director of education, and office staff work in concert so that when your child leads their congregation in prayer on Shabbat morning, they are confident in their abilities and that you, their families, are prepared as well. Our students will lead many facets of the service, both in Hebrew and in English, at their level, as no two students are the same and we help them get ready with that in mind. This includes chanting Torah from one of our scrolls, prayers and blessings before and after Torah and Haftarah, the morning blessings, the Sh’ma, the Kiddush on the preceding Friday night, and other opportunities to lead based on what they have learned during their religious school years and their months of practice leading up to the day.

On this page you will find all the information you will need about becoming a bar or bat mitzvah at Beth Haverim Shir Shalom. Please scroll down to read all the topics and find links to all the forms you need.

Now Offering – B’nei Mitzvah”quick help” for students and parents

Does your family have questions about how to fill out your honors forms?  Do parents want some help practicing YOUR Torah blessings or advice on writing your parent blessing? Does the Bar/Bat Mitzvah need a quick assist with a particularly challenging part of their Torah/Haftarah chanting? Call or send an email to [email protected] to make an appointment with our director of education, Rebecca McVeigh.

Oneg Hosting

Hosting an Oneg Shabbat for a bar or bat mitzvah can seem like an overwhelming experience in addition to all the other responsibilities you have.  It can be very simple if you have the information at your fingertips.

The synagogue, for a fee of $250.00, will provide the basic Friday night Oneg Shabbat as well as the basic Saturday morning Kiddush items (challah, kosher wine, and grape juice). The Oneg Shabbat will include various cookies, cakes, danishes, and an option of having a cake, large cookie cake, or large brownie cake marking the occasion with the name of the bar or bat mitzvah child on it.  The cake can be ordered according to your choice.

The synagogue will also provide the challah, kosher wine, grape juice, wine cups, tablecloths, soda, coffee, tea, sugar, milk, doilies, trays, napkins, cups, pitchers, spoons, stirrers, and sweeteners, which are all available in our kitchen.  If you have any special requests, please notify the office at 201-512-1983.  Your Oneg will be set up for you.  All you have to do is walk in and enjoy the service!

Our office will call to discuss with you the number of guests you may be having at your Oneg and basic Kiddush at least 30 days prior your bat/bat mitzvah date.  Additional arrangements, such as Shabbat dinner, Saturday morning pre-service breakfast, extended Kiddush or full-service bar/bat mitzvah reception, must be made between the family and a member of the Beth Haverim Shir Shalom panel of caterers.  The office, however, must be notified of your plans prior to signing a catering contract.  Room reservations are made on a first-come, first-served basis and must be reserved prior to finalizing plans with the caterer. **Only caterers on the panel can be used for your events. Please call the temple office if you are in need of kosher/glatt kosher catering.

Additional Options

(The following refer to only items not included in your $250.00 basic Oneg fee, should you wish to do more than the basic Saturday morning Kiddush.)
Families can choose to have a Shabbat dinner, extended Kiddush, or a full-service bar/bat mitzvah party in our social hall or in our beautiful newly constructed building named “The Ulam” (please note, “The Ulam” can seat approximately 50- 60 people).
The social hall & The Ulam, however, must be reserved through the office. We suggest these reservations be made as soon as you decide on a venue for your event.  This will prevent any conflicts since numbers necessitate having more double Bar/Bat Mitzvah services in the future.  Reservations are on a first-to-deposit basis.  There is a contract for the room reservation that the office will give you.  The cost of using the rooms for the above is listed below. The rental fees include clean-up by our maintenance contractor.  Additionally, a security deposit of $250.00 is required for all catered events.

Social Hall

Pre-Shabbat Dinner – $250.00
Extended Kiddush – $500.00
Sit-Down Luncheon – $1000.00
Bar/Bat Mitzvah Party – $1000.00

The Ulam (seats 50-60)

Pre-Shabbat Dinner – $250
Extended Kiddush – $400
**Please note if you reserve our social hall for an Extended Kiddush/Luncheon or Bar/Bat Mitzvah Party and you decide to also reserve the room for a Shabbat Dinner or Saturday Morning Pre-Service Breakfast, the room fee for either of those two would then become $75.00.**
There is no food or drink permitted in the sanctuary

Beth Haverim Shir Shalom’s Panel of Caterers

A five (5) member panel of caterers has been selected.  These caterers provide a variety of services at a range that will allow you to have the type of event that you desire.  All of the caterers are knowledgeable about our kashrut rules. Please be aware that the fees and/or per person charge are negotiated between you and the caterer.

Kashrut Rules: The following resolution was adopted by the synagogue Board and applies to all catering inside and on the synagogue grounds as of July 1, 2000:

“It shall be the policy of Beth Haverim Shir Shalom that all food served on synagogue grounds and premises shall be in accordance with biblical principles of kashrut.  This means that no prohibited foods may be served, and that milk and meat will not be served at the same meal.”

Below is the listing of the five (5) member panel:
Buono Bagels — contact Anthony Kim (201-825-2500)
Ramsey Gourmet (Bagel Boys) — contact Stacey Royal (201-825-4141)
The Market Basket — contact Jackie Trowbridge (201-891-2000)
Rosebud Caterers — contact  Stuart Appelbaum  (845-268-9673)
Encore Catering — contact Karen Epstein (973-515-8000)

Flowers/Food Baskets

Floral arrangements or bimah baskets for the synagogue should be ordered and delivered by Friday morning.  One arrangement is placed in front of the rabbi’s lectern and a second one can be placed in front of the cantor’s lectern.  As an alternative to flowers, the synagogue will put together a variety of different baskets to place on the bimah on your special day instead of a flower arrangement.  The contents of the baskets will be donated to the Center for Food Action in Mahwah, Jewish Family Services of Rockland, or the Ramapo-Bergen Animal Refuge in Oakland.

Basket Sizes and Costs
Large bimah basket: $125.00
Table-top basket: $18.00 (Can be used as centerpieces for your luncheon or party)

Video Services

Beth Haverim Shir Shalom is very excited to now have available to our b’nai mitzvah families the option of having their child’s bar/bat mitzvah service live-streamed with archive accessibility and additional archive additions on their big day with many packages to choose from.

In May 2019 we upgraded our equipment and now have an HD camera installed that will capture the very essence of this important occasion remotely.  Having this camera installed enables us to eliminate the presence of the actual equipment and lights that have often been intrusive to the rabbi and cantor during the service. The company we are working with is “Black Lab Imaging” who also live streams for us each Friday evening during Shabbat services and been in business for many years and has come to us with a great many recommendations.

Please note that although this service is completely optional and is your choice, you may only use our streaming/ video service as opposed to hiring your own company to record the service in our sanctuary on that day.  No other video recording (using any device) or still photography is permitted during the service.

For more information please contact the temple office at 201-512-1983.

Streaming Service Fees:

$249-Basic Streaming Service (fixed angle)
$499-Deluxe Streaming Service (professionally monitored/video panning)

Archive additional options:
$129-Standard DVD (extra copies $70)

$139-HD BluRay (extra copies $80)

$119-HD Thumb Drive (extra copies $80)

We hope that the stream/video of your child’s service will be a treasured memory for many years to come.

In Closing

We hope the information on this page answers the most relevant questions regarding the Oneg Shabbat prior to and the catering options on the day of your child’s bar/bat mitzvah.  We wish you and your family a hearty Mazel Tov at this wonderful time.


Forms and other Resources

  • Proper attire for those being called to the bimah at Beth Haverim Shir ShalomPlease click here for guidelines
  • Download the “Guide to becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah” parent handbook here
  • Download printable directions that you can use for your invitations. There can be printed on a color or black and white printer. They should be cut in half, and then folded if you like.
  • Prayer and Blessing Practice for students: contact Rebecca McVeigh for recordings.
  • Torah Blessings: If you are to have the honor of chanting or saying the blessings before and after the Torah reading, you can find a transliteration (as well as the Hebrew) by clicking here: Torah Blessings
  • Click to listen to the blessings before and after the reading of the Torah.
  • Honors Sheet for SINGLE or DOUBLE FAMILY #1 or DOUBLE FAMILY #2 or SIBLINGS – form to be filled out and printed or filled out, saved as a Word file, and emailed to [email protected].
  • If you have the honor of hagbah, or lifting the Torah scroll, click here for a video how-to demonstration.